I feel numb.
He was yelling at me again. He was in an all right mood earlier, but out of nowhere, he started yelling at me. He first started yelling at me for sleeping past 3 AM and waking up at 1 PM. It’s not my fault that I can’t fall asleep at night. It’s not my fault that I have insomnia. I don’t even like taking sleeping pills because they make me feel dazed the next day and impossible to think straight. He moved on to lecturing me about my eating habits and how watching me eat makes him feel uncomfortable. No one said that he needed to sit next to me during meals. At least I’m even eating. I can’t even process the rest of what just happened.
I feel cold. I feel empty. I feel numb. And this is the way things should be. Void of emotion. Even if it burns to choke back on stubborn tears.
I have so many thoughts running around my mind, keeping me awake at night. I stare at the ceiling, entering the void where everything is empty and nothing hurts. I want to know what it’s like to feel alive without feeling like a half-awake, half-dead zombie.
I no longer feel lightheaded as I did before. I was lying down on my bed earlier, feeling dazed and numb at the same time. Everything felt so slow, but it wasn’t like the other times. My heart was restless inside its magnolia cage, beating quicker than it should have. It felt like I was trapped in the confines of vertigo, and confusion entered my mind without panic. There were no attacks, no screams, no cries. Just nothingness.
demith said: I bet youre going to leave like a ghost again haha. How have you been?
Haha. I’ll try not to this time because I’m on summer vacation! I’ve been doing well. How are you? :)
I’ve missed you guys. How are all of you? Anything on your mind? Anything you want to vent or be happy about? Need advice? I’m willing to listen and help. :)